A friend shared that she can’t wait to get 2010 out of the way because her Dad died in August, and the day after the week of mourning, her Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.  What do you say?

Here is what I wrote to her:

Sounds like your Mom and Dad were connected in more ways than by a marriage certificate.  A deep emotional connection does that kind of thing when one is sick or dies, the other suffers with illness.  In a way, it should be comforting to know that they had something that is hard to come by today.  I feel sad for her and you on the one hand, and then, I’m touched on the other.  Imagine the world if we all had that!

Keep remembering your Dad for her. She will need the comfort of his memory to make it through all the treatments.  Subconsciously, she will hurt more if she thinks HE will be forgotten, because then it will scare her that SHE might be forgotten when her time comes.
Just some thoughts I had myself during that difficult time.
With love,
Eva

Last week in San Diego, I spoke to a group of high school students about developing leadership skills when a friend or family member becomes ill.  High school students are NOT easily moved by personal stories because they live in a digital age where human to human communication is minimized. However, after my talk, a crowd gathered around me to express their gratitude.  They were moved by my story.  During my presentation, one student appeared quite distracted and fidgety  - I did not think he was getting much out of it.  After the lecture, he was the first to approach me and disclose he had Tourette’s Syndrome, thanking me saying, “Your story meant a lot to me.  It helped me understand mine.”

In between presentations, I went to get a drink of water.  I saw a student being consoled by the principal – she and her four friends were crying.  The principal shared that the student’s father was battling late stage brain cancer.  I was put on the spot to say something comforting, wishing I knew this student’s situation before I began my talk.  After giving her a hug, I commented, “Never lose hope.”  I asked if her father was strong. She shook her head in the affirmative.  I said, “He is giving you a gift and you should embrace it – the gift of strength and courage. He is giving this gift to your friends too.”

How often do you share YOUR stories with the children in your life? Ask parents/grandparents to write out a personal life experience story instead of giving a gift that won’t be remembered or used for more than a couple of months. When I saw my daughter developing, I shared stories about what it was like for me, and she asked to hear that story over and over. It enabled her to share with me her deep feelings about it and opened the bridges for communication.

It’s human nature to lament our losses and a human skill to recognize our gifts. It’s human nature to focus on the small part of business that goes awry instead of the large part of business that is done well. It’s so easy to recognize faults in others, and not so easy to praise our spouses, children, and co-workers. Why is that?