Speaker, Physician Dr. Abraham Verghese

Last night, I attended a lecture given by Dr. Verghese who wrote Cutting For Stone, among other books.  I was engaged the whole time, but I expected to be inspired and ‘wowed.’  I wish I could coach him on using stories to connect emotionally with his audience.  His voice is appealing; he is nice to look at, too.  However, for a man who talks about the importance of listening and communicating with a patient, and the exam being a ‘sacred ritual’, he did not move from behind the podium.  His message would have been more powerful if he was speaking to the audience like he would speak to a patient…in the front of the stage, not hiding behind furniture.

Dr Verghese talked about this quote which resonates with him to this day: ‘Geography is destiny.’ He was taught it was said by Freud about the body, which interested him in everything about the workings of the human body.  Then, he learned it was said by Napoleon about the discovery of France.  But, in my opinion, it’s about him.  He defied this quote.  How many people were born in Ethiopia to parents from Southern India and became world renown?

He talked about his choices and how it impacted where he is today.  After medical school, he knew he wanted to write a book.  His goal was to inspire people to choose medicine through a compelling story.  So, he took a job in El Paso Texas at a county hospital, where he could spend his time with patients directly.  During his 10 years there, he not only developed his ideas for how to treat patients, but he had the time to write two books.  It’s these books that helped him land the position at Stanford.  He said that if he applied to Stanford right off the bat, he would have spent his time writing grants and would have never had the chance to be the influential person he has become through his books.

During Questions & Answers, he was hoping to have more questions about his book. Instead, all the questions were about medicine.  Of course, I quickly made my way up to the mike, and got in line to ask my question: “I read the Stanford 25 and was very happy to see that examination of the tongue was one of the key body parts to check for the overall health of the person.  However, I have learned through my experience surviving stage IV tongue cancer that the health of the mouth is the window to the health of the body.  You can diagnose heart disease, diabetes, and even Alzheimers, not to mention oral cancer.  Do you see dentistry and medicine ever coming a little closer where a dentist and a medical doctor could be working closer together to treat a patient with preventative care?”  In short, he said he didn’t see that happening anytime soon.

Dr. Verghese’s point of view on practicing medicine has its challenges: time and technology.  Nowadays, practitioners spend more time on the computer and less time with the patient.  It’s faster and easier  to order a test then to spend the time diagnosing the patient with the ‘sacred’ exam.  Therefore, physicians have never been more skilled at screening the body through tests, and they have never been LESS skilled at simply looking at the body to diagnose.  His dream is to harness technology to enhance the sacredness of the doctor-patient relationship.  With Dr. Verghese teaching students all over the world, I believe this one man can make a profound difference – he already has.  Kudos to Dr. Verghese!  Like Dr. Verghese, I know that I, too, can make a profound difference in the awareness of oral cancer.

Are all friendships worth saving?

When I was going through the worst of treatment for oral cancer, I had friends that disappeared….They sent a card.

When I got better, I asked one special friend what happened to her. She said it was too hard for her. Too hard for her????

Friends are great for the good times, but you nourish friends so they are there for you in the hard times. Needless to say, I re-evaluated my friendships; which ones to put time and energy into, and which not.

How about you?

An interesting article in the NYTimes blog last month:  A poetry contest was announced for Yale University School of Medicine and University College London Medical School, with the first-place prize of $1,500, donated anonymously by a patient interested in literature.  They expected a handful of entries.  Instead, they received 160.

Poets like John Keats, Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. and William Carlos Williams were all trained as doctors. For them and other physicians of their time, reading or writing poetry required skills not that dissimilar from those employed in daily clinical work — an ability to connect emotionally with the subject, as well as careful attention to rhythm, whether it was in the form of verse or heartbeats and breathing.

“Poetry does a better job in teaching because it is about embracing the human aspect of suffering, not just knowing how many lymph nodes are positive and where the pain is on a 1-to-10 scale,” Dr. Campo said. “Reading and discussing a poem became an opportunity not only to focus on the feelings associated with illness but also to imagine themselves in their patients’ position.”

Medicine is an art, in many ways.  In this generation of desensitized individuals from all the hours we spend on computers…it’s refreshing to hear about this!

Do you have a poem about experiencing the ‘art’ of medicine to share??

At what point are you considered a ‘survivor’ of cancer?  After surgery? After treatment? After a year?  No. You are a survivor from the moment you are diagnosed.  Once a survivor, always a survivor.  I challenge you to take your survivorship and be an inspiration to all who know you with surTHRIVorship. Turn your adversity into an opportunity to inspire others.

After being given a second chance at life, I founded SixStepScreening.org to raise awareness about oral cancer. I hope no one goes through what I went through. So much of my ordeal could have been prevented through education. Education about the existence of this deadly disease.  Education about the early signs of oral cancer.

My mother’s first cousin was diagnosed with brain cancer a few weeks ago.  After hearing of her diagnosis, I immediately wrote her some words of encouragement.

Hello my dear Cousin,

Mom told me the news about your late stage diagnosis.  Having been in the same boat you are now, and beating the odds, here are a few things I learned:

I hear over and over that survivors were given 6 months… and they are still kicking YEARS later.  Just because it’s late stage, doesn’t mean you can’t beat it.

I believe EVERYONE should be prepared for their final days, even when in good health.  Don’t be afraid to let your wants known so your final wishes can be granted…this goes for your husband, too!

It’s not about the length of your life, but the breadth of it.  Enjoy each and every day, and milk the satisfaction that comes with it.  Even when going through treatments, this is still possible.  However, know it’s a skill that needs to be honed.  As you hone that skill, you will be leaving a legacy to all those who know and love you about how to do the same.

Half of the battle is in your head.  The mind is a powerful tool.  Believe several times a day that you will beat it.  Tell yourself you are strong and courageous.  Remind yourself that life is full of possibilities.  Smile everyday.  Laugh everyday.  Calm nerves with meditation.  You have no control over the cells, but you do have control over your attitude. So take control of the cancer mentally, so it doesn’t take control of you.

Your body has cancer.  YOU don’t.

I hope that these words of experience give you a modicum of hope as you forge through the upcoming treatments.  So many will be rooting you on.  As you go through this journey, notice all the blessings that come from it….how the family comes together, how love is expressed, how support is given and by whom, the power of your friendships, the surprising strength you carry within…..and so much more.

Wishing you a sailboat made of love and a full cargo of courage to carry you through the storms ahead.
Eva

My friend lost her daughter years ago in a drunk driving accident, at a pre-graduation party, senior year of High School. She was graduating with honors; a bright girl who made one fatal mistake. She got into a car with a drunk driver. She herself was drunk.

Every year, my friend sends out a holiday card. For a couple of years after the tragedy, she didn’t write anything about Amanda, her daughter.  I know that feeling is one thing, but finding the words is quite another. I wrote to her saying that I thought she needed to mention Amanda because it’s a family letter, and I wanted to remember her and felt saddened that she wasn’t mentioned. It was bold of me, no doubt.  But, if I felt that way, I’m sure others did, too. Perhaps, because we aren’t very close friends, I was able to say it and take the risk of hurting or losing a friend.

Now, every year, there is mention of Amanda. She writes about the scholarship in her memory. She writes about what she and her husband do to raise awareness about drunk driving to high school students and how it helps them to keep her memory alive.

Stories are an effective way to share values and beliefs.  I used to say to my children, ‘you should have done this, or been grateful for that….’ In other words, I was telling them what they should do, how they should feel.  It’s immeasurably more effective, and I can attest to this first-hand, that if you share your value/wishes in a story about an event that happened to you and how you handled it and what you learned from it….their behavior will change in the direction you want.  But, the change will be more permanent because it wasn’t an instruction but motivated by a story they felt emotionally connected to.

At the ci2011 Global Conference in Melbourne was opening speaker Professor Allan Fels AO.  His words were music to my ears.

Professor Fels started talking about the power of storytelling and that “as humans we are hardwired to tell stories and hardwired to listen to stories”.

He said “70% of what we learn is through stories” and that “storytelling is essential for innovation“.  Let’s look at Professor Fels two statements and why they ring so true.

“70% of what we learn is through stories”- Think of the last presentation you went to, or conference.  Was it the stories you remember?  Stories are how we make sense of the world, it is how we learn and it is what we remember.  Stories have the ability to not only help people understand what we are saying but they also allow people to remember what we have said and retell others without losing its meaning.  These are the three universal challenges as leaders, as teachers, as presenters and even as parents.

Do they understand what I am saying?

Will they remember what I am saying?

Can they share what I have said with others?

Stories will help you achieve traction on all those three challenges.

“Storytelling is essentional for innovation” – During the conference we heard many views on what is essential for innovation, such as diversity, collaboration and culture of risk taking …and these are all important.  But once we have that culture of risk taking and once we have brought together a diverse group of minds in a collaborative envirnment it is the stories that are shared that will generate real innovation.  Why?   Because stories of what is possible sparks other stories of what is possible.  When people hear stories, they suspend judgement and stories when done right provide a glimpse of future possibilities and opportunities.

Thank you Professor Allan Fels for showing us the power of storytelling so succinctly.

Article posted by One Thousand & One, organisational storytelling (Australia)

A friend shared that she can’t wait to get 2010 out of the way because her Dad died in August, and the day after the week of mourning, her Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.  What do you say?

Here is what I wrote to her:

Sounds like your Mom and Dad were connected in more ways than by a marriage certificate.  A deep emotional connection does that kind of thing when one is sick or dies, the other suffers with illness.  In a way, it should be comforting to know that they had something that is hard to come by today.  I feel sad for her and you on the one hand, and then, I’m touched on the other.  Imagine the world if we all had that!

Keep remembering your Dad for her. She will need the comfort of his memory to make it through all the treatments.  Subconsciously, she will hurt more if she thinks HE will be forgotten, because then it will scare her that SHE might be forgotten when her time comes.
Just some thoughts I had myself during that difficult time.
With love,
Eva

Last week in San Diego, I spoke to a group of high school students about developing leadership skills when a friend or family member becomes ill.  High school students are NOT easily moved by personal stories because they live in a digital age where human to human communication is minimized. However, after my talk, a crowd gathered around me to express their gratitude.  They were moved by my story.  During my presentation, one student appeared quite distracted and fidgety  - I did not think he was getting much out of it.  After the lecture, he was the first to approach me and disclose he had Tourette’s Syndrome, thanking me saying, “Your story meant a lot to me.  It helped me understand mine.”

In between presentations, I went to get a drink of water.  I saw a student being consoled by the principal – she and her four friends were crying.  The principal shared that the student’s father was battling late stage brain cancer.  I was put on the spot to say something comforting, wishing I knew this student’s situation before I began my talk.  After giving her a hug, I commented, “Never lose hope.”  I asked if her father was strong. She shook her head in the affirmative.  I said, “He is giving you a gift and you should embrace it – the gift of strength and courage. He is giving this gift to your friends too.”